big decision

today i made a big decision. it was very hard. i do not easily admit defeat. i do not easily give up. i hate thinking that i have failed. today i retracted my application for the job as girl's dorm parent for the fall. it was received well, a sign of character i was told. i realized that i am tired, burnt out, overwhelmed, and mostly not ready to be a "mom" figure to 50 high school girls. i find myself feeling less than excited, even bitter at times, to perform the basic parts of my job. i find myself longing to be 22, living with friends, having fun, schooling, whatever. i feel that if i came back in the fall, i would do the year, and i would do it well. i would then, most likely, end up feeling bitter towards this type of ministry, and i would leave it. i am thinking that this way, i will take a year or 2 or 3 off, have fun, learn, grow, be myself, experience life. in God's time, i will return to full time ministry, maybe even here. i will be able to more fully embrace it and feel excited about it, ready to go all the way. i know that i will be in ministry every day, wherever i am, and i know that God will use me. i am excited to see what adventures God has in store, even though this freedom does feel somewhat like i am free falling into an abyss at this moment.