november at lcbi

Hello once again. Somehow December is upon us and it is only a month until Christmas. This also means that my internship is nearly half over, and this is shocking. It has been quite a journey so far, but it has been amazing. I am loving my time here.
This month has brought the same basic responsibilities with a few additions. I decided to sit in on a couple discipline meetings last week, which I will do again in the coming months. I also had some more regular one-on-one time with a few girls. Those times were wonderful and I am excited to keep them going. Candace and I also had the chance to be on the late shift alone. It was nice to be the last ones on, to be around for the late night chats and even to enforce lights out and whatever else. I again had a couple days as “Captain Fun Pants” the new name for “Captain Chaos”, one day I also sat in for Nadine, our trusty secretary, although she really is irreplaceable.
This month has been pretty good overall here, but I am struggling with the distance between myself and Alberta. It is hard to be here and to see some friends struggling with life and where God is taking them. I want so much to be closer, to be able to be a stronger support for them. God has been making me give them up to Him, and I know he is stronger than I, but I still feel frustrated by it. I have also been realizing my fears for life and commitment. I am seeing that I don’t like the idea of deciding in advance to be in one place, in one ministry or whatever else. I am feeling inadequate at times still as I look at the grade 12’s planning their lives and the maturity they show. I am finding it hard to accept the positive feedback I receive, and find myself expecting to fail.
At the same time, I had some very amazing times this month as well. I had the opportunity to take a couple girls to church in Saskatoon one Sunday. I am repeating this next Sunday (Dec.2). It was amazing to have the chance to introduce these girls to a different kind of church. A new way to see God and experience Jesus. I took them to Journey’s, an emergent church that was started by my youth pastor. It opened doors for very cool conversations about faith and church and caused them to think outside of their current understanding of what church is. I also got to visit Camrose once again. I got to meet new people, see old friends, and had some time to just “be”.
This month God has not stopped working in me. He has shown me my love of the emergent church idea. I like being able to meet people in a variety of ways, right where they are. I have been reminded that we Christians are messy people too, and that it is ok to minister in that. He has also reminded me of my love of praising Him through song. God is constantly teaching me through the girls and through our one-on-one time. He is showing me that I can when I think I can’t.
Please pray for the relationships that I have with the girls. Pray that they would continue to grow and thrive even where they are right now, in life and with God. Pray that I would be able to give my fears and self doubts to God, that I would stop being so hard on myself and that I could accept the positive feedback that I am receiving. Pray also that I would survive my week at CLBI that is coming up. I have not been out of bed consistently for 8:00am in a long time. I am worried about my attention span as I sit in class, as it has never been a strong point of mine. Thank you all once again for your prayers and thoughts.

Love and blessings in Christ.