Hello once again. Somehow December is upon us and it is only a month until Christmas. This also means that my internship is nearly half over, and this is shocking. It has been quite a journey so far, but it has been amazing. I am loving my time here.
This month has brought the same basic responsibilities with a few additions. I decided to sit in on a couple discipline meetings last week, which I will do again in the coming months. I also had some more regular one-on-one time with a few girls. Those times were wonderful and I am excited to keep them going. Candace and I also had the chance to be on the late shift alone. It was nice to be the last ones on, to be around for the late night chats and even to enforce lights out and whatever else. I again had a couple days as “Captain Fun Pants” the new name for “Captain Chaos”, one day I also sat in for Nadine, our trusty secretary, although she really is irreplaceable.
This month has been pretty good overall here, but I am struggling with the distance between myself and Alberta. It is hard to be here and to see some friends struggling with life and where God is taking them. I want so much to be closer, to be able to be a stronger support for them. God has been making me give them up to Him, and I know he is stronger than I, but I still feel frustrated by it. I have also been realizing my fears for life and commitment. I am seeing that I don’t like the idea of deciding in advance to be in one place, in one ministry or whatever else. I am feeling inadequate at times still as I look at the grade 12’s planning their lives and the maturity they show. I am finding it hard to accept the positive feedback I receive, and find myself expecting to fail.
At the same time, I had some very amazing times this month as well. I had the opportunity to take a couple girls to church in Saskatoon one Sunday. I am repeating this next Sunday (Dec.2). It was amazing to have the chance to introduce these girls to a different kind of church. A new way to see God and experience Jesus. I took them to Journey’s, an emergent church that was started by my youth pastor. It opened doors for very cool conversations about faith and church and caused them to think outside of their current understanding of what church is. I also got to visit Camrose once again. I got to meet new people, see old friends, and had some time to just “be”.
This month God has not stopped working in me. He has shown me my love of the emergent church idea. I like being able to meet people in a variety of ways, right where they are. I have been reminded that we Christians are messy people too, and that it is ok to minister in that. He has also reminded me of my love of praising Him through song. God is constantly teaching me through the girls and through our one-on-one time. He is showing me that I can when I think I can’t.
Please pray for the relationships that I have with the girls. Pray that they would continue to grow and thrive even where they are right now, in life and with God. Pray that I would be able to give my fears and self doubts to God, that I would stop being so hard on myself and that I could accept the positive feedback that I am receiving. Pray also that I would survive my week at CLBI that is coming up. I have not been out of bed consistently for 8:00am in a long time. I am worried about my attention span as I sit in class, as it has never been a strong point of mine. Thank you all once again for your prayers and thoughts.
Love and blessings in Christ.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Hello friends. I said I would post more, so I have decided to post my monthly prayer letters. This way you will have an idea as to what I have been up to and all of that jazz. Here is October's...
Somehow another month has flown by, and has left me wondering where it went. Thanks so much for your prayers last month, it means so much to me to have you behind me in prayer. This month has left a jumble of emotions in its wake, and I am trying to decipher where they all came from.
This moth started very well. I was continuing to learn new things, and was keeping busy with the daily hustle and bustle of life. I still share the same responsibilities as last month, although this month I got to experience some of the day-time life. I spent 2 days as “captain chaos”, if you will. I was in charge of taking kids to their doctor’s appointments, picking up prescriptions, making new appointments, making sure the kids were up and in class, all sorts of wonderful day-time drama. I also spent a week sitting in on classes. That was a neat week. It was fun to see the kids in a different element and to help the teachers some with test correcting or just watching their class as they attended to other needs.
That week started the crazy feeling of disconnection between myself and the dorm-life. I was not in the dorms at all that week, and October held 2 long weekends for myself, as well as Homecoming here. In conjunction with my regular days off, I end this month feeling very useless. I know that I probably did more than I can see right now, but in an un-measurable ministry, it is hard to deal with feeling so out of it. I look back and wonder what I really did this month. Where was I used here? I know that I was encouraging to people outside of my internship, but does that suffice? These are my frustrations of the month.
On the other hand, I did have some up-lifting and encouraging times. It was very nice to get away and re-connect with my CLBI family, who are mostly in Alberta and too far away to be seen regularly. I enjoyed Thanksgiving and Welcome-back weekends in Alberta (I got to spend the road trip part with LCBI students, which was very fun). I did much catching up and shared stories of the things God is doing and the things He is teaching me. I got to be renewed and refreshed by a visit to the mountains and a few long walks around Mirror Lake and Camrose.
I have also had some neat realizations, although they are hard to set into my heart knowledge. God has reminded me of my own walk with Him and the time and patience it took to be just right, and for me to accept the things He had for me. I see that God is working here, but it is a hard task to sit and wait for God’s timing. God is showing me that youth ministry is very patience based, and you have to nurture and love, one day at a time. Sometimes one step forward can be followed with 3 steps back, but ultimately we are headed forward the whole time.
Please pray that God would continue to show Himself here. Pray that the kids would desire to know more and to ask questions. Pray that their hearts would be open to the answers, and that God would provide opportunities to share. Pray for me that I would rest in God’s timing and that I would be patient. Pray that I would get back in the game and not feel so scattered, as I have been this month, and week especially. Ask for my positive attitude to return, it has taken a leave of absence and is missed very much.
Feel free to include me in your thoughts and prayers.
Somehow another month has flown by, and has left me wondering where it went. Thanks so much for your prayers last month, it means so much to me to have you behind me in prayer. This month has left a jumble of emotions in its wake, and I am trying to decipher where they all came from.
This moth started very well. I was continuing to learn new things, and was keeping busy with the daily hustle and bustle of life. I still share the same responsibilities as last month, although this month I got to experience some of the day-time life. I spent 2 days as “captain chaos”, if you will. I was in charge of taking kids to their doctor’s appointments, picking up prescriptions, making new appointments, making sure the kids were up and in class, all sorts of wonderful day-time drama. I also spent a week sitting in on classes. That was a neat week. It was fun to see the kids in a different element and to help the teachers some with test correcting or just watching their class as they attended to other needs.
That week started the crazy feeling of disconnection between myself and the dorm-life. I was not in the dorms at all that week, and October held 2 long weekends for myself, as well as Homecoming here. In conjunction with my regular days off, I end this month feeling very useless. I know that I probably did more than I can see right now, but in an un-measurable ministry, it is hard to deal with feeling so out of it. I look back and wonder what I really did this month. Where was I used here? I know that I was encouraging to people outside of my internship, but does that suffice? These are my frustrations of the month.
On the other hand, I did have some up-lifting and encouraging times. It was very nice to get away and re-connect with my CLBI family, who are mostly in Alberta and too far away to be seen regularly. I enjoyed Thanksgiving and Welcome-back weekends in Alberta (I got to spend the road trip part with LCBI students, which was very fun). I did much catching up and shared stories of the things God is doing and the things He is teaching me. I got to be renewed and refreshed by a visit to the mountains and a few long walks around Mirror Lake and Camrose.
I have also had some neat realizations, although they are hard to set into my heart knowledge. God has reminded me of my own walk with Him and the time and patience it took to be just right, and for me to accept the things He had for me. I see that God is working here, but it is a hard task to sit and wait for God’s timing. God is showing me that youth ministry is very patience based, and you have to nurture and love, one day at a time. Sometimes one step forward can be followed with 3 steps back, but ultimately we are headed forward the whole time.
Please pray that God would continue to show Himself here. Pray that the kids would desire to know more and to ask questions. Pray that their hearts would be open to the answers, and that God would provide opportunities to share. Pray for me that I would rest in God’s timing and that I would be patient. Pray that I would get back in the game and not feel so scattered, as I have been this month, and week especially. Ask for my positive attitude to return, it has taken a leave of absence and is missed very much.
Feel free to include me in your thoughts and prayers.
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