trust

i have been thinking this morning about trust. have you ever noticed how so many people are scared to trust? we don't want to trust others. they may hurt us, disappoint us, let us down. we don't trust ourselves for the same reasons. why is it so hard to trust God? he has never disappointed. he has never let us down. he has never left us high and dry to provide for ourselves. in fact, he promises that he will never leave or forsake us. he has told us that he knows the plans he has for us, to prosper us and not to harm us. plans to give us hope and a future. why is that so hard to believe? why do we not trust the one person who is most deserving of all of our trust? even in our fear, we give in. we give ourselves away to mere humans who, ultimately, will do all of the things that we fear. but this most loving and gracious God, who has done nothing but provide and care and love and bless us abundantly with grace, we do not trust. it makes no sense.
i know that i don't trust God as i should. i find myself thinking that my plans, my timing, my desires are better. i get this great idea to do my own thing, just to end up feeling lost and confused. maybe it is time to give up and give in. maybe it is time to trust God, who desires with all of his heart to lead and guide, plan and provide and bless abundantly. i've heard he can only do as much as we allow, so maybe it is time to surrender it all. maybe it's time to leap, fully trusting that i will be caught by outstretched arms.

"spirituality"

today i was talking with a friend on msn. we were talking about church and life and praise and worship time and how i am really craving one of those experiences where you can just get lost in the worship music. at one point, he made a comment about how i am obviously a very spiritual person. this struck me in an odd sort of way. this man in a young adults pastor. he is a christ loving person, so i know that it wasn't one of those turned up nose, "oh, you're a 'spiritual' person" type comment, but it still didn't sit right. i think the word 'spiritual' has become perverted in my mind. there are so many people who claim to be 'spiritual' people. the people who say; "your god stuff is good for you, but i am spiritual in my own way". what does 'spiritual' even mean? it is like the word 'christian'. so many people these days are "christians", but they have no desire to live in a christ-like manor. they have no intention of living a life that is at all in accordance to how christ lived. i guess these words irk me with how they are over used and becoming meaningless adjectives, ill used to describe person's life. it sure would be nice if they could all just pick a different term and get on with it.
hello, my name is todd. i am a toddian, and i am a very light and airy type person. i embrace all things as right and pure, just as they are, and live in a very 'free to do what you want, when you want' sort of way.

california and post-thoughts

california was intense. in a sentence it was: 100 high schoolers, 20 leaders, 6 bus drivers, 3 buses, 10 days of ridiculousness and a palm tree in a toilette! ok, so maybe there was no palm tree in a toilette, but that would be pretty rad. i had a great time, but also got sick and very exhausted. when i got home i felt quite overwhelmed and very lonely. i think i am torn lately by my desire to love and serve at lcbi, or wherever else God may call me to be, and my desire to have community with people my age, living the life of an average 20-something year old. maybe there is no such thing as a "normal" life for a 20-something year old, but it sure seems like a rad idea to have tight friends living closer than an hour away.